Minxie Winksie's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Single

Ohhhhh the life we single women have to lead…

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to enjoy the company of my best friend, her husband and about six of her husband’s co-workers at this swanky, tan and cobalt blue color coordinated club.  I came fresh off a date that had to be cut short, and I wasn’t happy about it.  I was sizzling’ hot, so a little come-hither guy therapy was definitely in order.  Unfortunately, I got the wrong guy.

Before I knew he was married, I did think he was cute.  He’s a cross between Eminem (because of his looks) and Bill Murray (because of his humor).  He’s employed, pays his taxes, has a child he takes care…and would be a good match for me if he wasn’t a horrible drunk and MARRIED.  Of course, the last two parts took him out of the running.  But I wasn’t.  He proceeded to sit on my lap in his drunken stupor, I giggled because this is harmless.  At least until he started rubbing my leg and whispered that no one would know.  When I got away from him he slurred it was because he’s white, which I assured him wasn’t true.  It’s because he’s MARRIED and refused to act like he didn’t. 

Just my luck I was jammed between him and my way-past-drunk best friend all night.  She wasn’t the only one not to notice him caressing my knee, which I tried to ignore.  When he pinched my elbow; I glared.   When he said I hated him and I should slit his wrists; I had it.  So I lied to my drunken best friend that we were going dancing and yanked her into the bathroom for some girl talk.  When we got back, Mr. Married Stalker had been forced into a corner by his friends who had been paying attention the whole time (thanks for the “too little, too late” actions guys).  I went back to my seat, started flirting with his single, sober and very cute friend and tried to ignore him while he gave me the sad puppy face, glared and mouthed: “Why do you hate me?”

I cringe at the thought of having to see Mr. Married Stalker again, but it’s inevitable…Ugh.

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The more I tried online dating, the more I became open-minded.  Take Mr. Small and Mighty.  He listed himself as a 37-year-old, 5’7” Caucasian man…no children mentioned.  His picture was okay and he was shorter than I usually like men to be, but I gave him a chance.

His stats:

Lived in one of the toughest neighborhoods in the area for years

Dates only African-American women, or Puerto Ricans

Worker at Fed Ex for 17 years

Has a son who’s 17

5’6” (barely)

Drives a Lexus (not that this matters)

He’s a really nice guy, but just not my type.  He’s not as outgoing as me…he’s quite, reserved but still high-strung.  But, somehow we made it to 3, that’s THREE, dates.  I don’t even know how, but I think both of us wanted to feel the other one out.  We’re both a little standoffish/shy and I think that has made us take things really slow…

But like I said he’s not my type, so on the last and last date the kiss had to seal the deal.  It was actually less of a kiss, more of a tongue lashing.  He dropped me off at my apartment and I took him inside of my doorway for some privacy.  I knew it was coming and I thought: ‘I haven’t felt any attraction, no spark with him.  If I don’t feel anything for him after this kiss, then I’ll cut it off.’  He pulled me into a hug, drew back and then pulled me close and kissed me.  My lips aren’t big, but his are minuscule.  So my mouth enveloped his, his tongue shot into mine and then went to town burrowing it’s way to my frickin’ tonsils.  He must have been into it because his hands grabbed my butt, pulled me even closer and continued mauling my mouth with his tongue.  Luckily it didn’t last long.  He must have really liked the kiss because he texted me to say hello after I got out of work the next day.

Unfortunately, I didn’t.  He’s a nice guy, who’s done a lot for his kid, but he’s not for me. 

NEXT!!!!

;D

I never thought this would be possible, but guys can use Eharmony to line up dates…just like at the Match.com Meat Market. 

Green Day contacted me last week still giving me the sob story that he was oh so sorry he cancelled on me at the last moment two weekends ago and he wanted to make it up to me.  I should’ve told him to take his spiky hair, tattoos, good boy/bad boy-watered down rocker persona and take a hike.  But no…I decided to be nicer than he deserved.  I let him feed me the same bull as last time…he’d contact me later on in the week, he’d drive down to see me, we’d go wherever I wanted to go and blah, blah, blah.  Well, don’t you know that he did it again?!  He made plans and promises that he knew he’d never keep.  When I didn’t hear from him for two days, I knew.  And, I haven’t heard from him since.

I can’t really say I’m surprised though.  But I never thought Eharmony would be one of those sites where guys can try to line up date after date, and have backups.  This is why Eharmony has the recommended communication guidelines.  They’re meant to weed out the serial daters.  So all of you Eharmony daters, if someone wants to skip the guidelines and just “get down to business,” stop and ask yourself why.  Chances are they haven’t paid attention to your profile and don’t really care about the fabulous person you are.  Now, if you just want to get down to business too…then go for it…Just remember, the guy most likely has several other girls lined up that want the “business” too.

Pat on the back for me for having common sense and not falling for another loser!  I’m on my way to finding real love!!!

😉

I’ve been taking a stroll down the rabbit hole of superficiality again…

First off, let me say it’s not my fault.  I just LOVE my stilettos.  As someone who is 5’3”, they’re kind of necessary.  I go from squat to lengthy and many times from short legs to those like a gazelle!  They even improve my posture.  I’m so used to wearing them that I can barely walk in flats!

But what do I do when my upcoming Eharmony date on Friday is 5’8”?  And, men typically add a few inches…so he may even be 5’6”.  Either way, this guy…let’s call him Mr. Moto…is the shortest guy I’ve ever gone out with.  How am I going to strut my really cute but comfortable outfit (pictures later maybe?) when I may end up being the same height as my date, possibly making him uncomfortable and me too since I’m used to dating guys who are closer to 6”, are exactly 6”and sometimes over.  (Men typically like to date women who are shorter than they are…sorry you gazelle legged women out there.)  I don’t have any decent flats, let alone an outfit that goes with flats!

I should really try not to be superficial about his height.  I shouldn’t care.  Shame on me.  Mr. Moto’s a great guy! 

His Stats:

Teacher in a struggling school district

Loves his job

Wants to make a difference in his student’s lives

Drives a motorcycle in good weather

Love historical fiction

Is a romantic

Christian

Okay…maybe I’m not being superficial since I just listed more than five things about him and none are physical, financial or car related.  He and I have had some amazing email conversations too.  I’m really enjoying getting to know him.  I think our date is going to be amazing.  I found this little hole in the wall Lebanese restaurant that has belly dancing at 7:30.  It’s cultural, intimate, something completely out of the box for me and him…it’s perfect. 

I think I’m just being silly.  I have this feeling that the chemistry between us will outweigh any artificial height difference.

As always…stay tuned!!!

😉

One thing I noticed about most online dating sites…and I’ve tried some of the “best” (Match.com, Yahoo Personals), is that there aren’t that many Black men there.  I should really say there are very few who are compatible with me and are interested.  Why would a Black man need to go on an online dating site to meet Black women?  They can talk to/hit on/ask us out any day they want.  The Black men I see on these sites are looking for anything but.

SO…

I am PROUD to be a card-carrying member of the “Date Whomever I Want” Club.  Really, I’ve been a member since I was a kid.  Growing up in a Jewish suburb, a mostly Jewish school, a church where there was only ten African-American families out of several hundred Caucasians…I was bound to date outside of my race.  My first boyfriend was white, as well as the second, third, fourth, etc.  When I think back on all of my legitimate boyfriends (those who I was in an actual relationship and not just “going out”), they’ve all been White. 

And it’s not by choice!  I am NOT a traitor.  I do NOT prefer Caucasian men.  I DO have a very strong attraction to MANY Black men.  Those fine Black men from my area, the ones with the college educations, no kids (there are very few), a good job and a reliable car…WITH all their bills paid for each month…they don’t ask me out.  They’d rather date White women.  And I really can’t be mad at them for that…that would make me a hypocrite.  Still, it would be nice for one of them to take interest.

I think it’s because my parents never discouraged me, even though they never tried to fool me by saying love is blind.  They also never tried to lie to me by saying the perfect Black man, who’s just like my daddy, would love me forever, marry me and give me children.  Because my parents looked at our mostly White world and saw I had, and still have, very few options. 

If I look for someone who is eloquent, educated, strong-willed, and resilient like my father, grandfather and my uncles, and not care what color the guy is then I will give myself the best chance of finding that everlasting love.  So if a nice non-African American guy asks me out or says he wants to get to know me…who am I to deny someone who could potentially be my husband and make me happy?

😉

A.K.A. Mr. MBA, Mr. Money Bags…Mr. Blank Sheet of Paper.

He was the first guy from Eharmony to request communication, who was matched with me in 2008 (when I wasn’t a paying member), and finally got in contact with me during the free weekend in February. Once I became a complete member last weekend, he messaged me saying it was his last week and would like to keep in touch. First guy to want to get to know me and I just started.  Ding ding DING!!!

His stats:

Has an MBA

CFO of his own business

Contract with the Department of Defense

$$$!!! 😉

He’s bigger than the type I like to date.  He described himself as being: 5’11’’, 220-230 lbs.  The right age: 31, going on 32.  He loves to read a local business journal, take walks by the riverfront, run and weight lift for exercise and fun.  And even though he seems like the kind of guy I’d be crazy not to go for.  And even though, I envision him with dollar signs floating around his head…I find him to be highly educated, well-traveled, well-rounded, ambitious bore.

His idea of relaxing is doing more work.  His conversation skills are lacking.  Severely even.  And he complained that the only picture he had of me was my head shot…which is a damn good one! 

His whole attitude is up-tight, clipped and BORING…He doesn’t even know the Clash of the Titans came out in 1981!  SERIOUSLY?!  Luckily I’m not one of those girls who cares if he has $’s floating around his head.  I’m immune to gold-diggeritis….so I say….NEXT!!!

😉

I’m giving dating one last try.  In the last three years I have tried four dating sites, without success.  Unless, you count becoming a serial dater success.  I’ve dated on average 15-20 guys in a year, not counting several I dated twice.  This marathon dating life has left me tired and empty.  Wondering if I’m doomed to continue running on this dating wheel or will I step off, slightly dizzy and disoriented, but in love with an amazing man.

So Eharmony is it.  It’s my last hope.  I created a profile, attached my headshot and set my criteria for what I look for in a partner.  I’m not picky, at least I don’t think I am.  I’m open-minded to different races and religions, spiritual or not, different sizes, professions, pay scales.  But not children.  I have remained childless at the age of 28, and to some that’s a feat.  I’m an educated, African American woman with a full-time job as well as two part-time jobs.  It’s seen as an accomplishment, even though it should just be standard.  (But I won’t discuss the “race” issue…at least not yet.)  I pay for all of my bills, socialize as much as I can, shop when I feel like it and have a decent savings account.  Again, standard in my mind.  Nothing extraordinary.  I would like my future partner to mirror me, somewhat.  I realize that one can’t have it all.  But is having a man who takes care of home and makes that a priority, with no kids, too much to ask for?

My criterion has produced a decent amount of matches.  Based on Eharmony’s 29 compatibility settings, I receive almost 8 matches a day.  I actually enjoy when my non-smart touch phone buzzes and I see the standard email pop up with a new name and location of my future match.  It’s even better when I get an email saying someone want to communicate with me.  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  We may have a winner.  There’s something about being sought after that makes you feel…powerful, desirable and confident.

As the saying goes there are PLENTY of fish in the sea…Hopefully one, or two, or three with take a bite and hold on…I’ll guess we’ll have to see.

😉


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