Minxie Winksie's Blog

Archive for the ‘Interracial Dating’ Category

The more I tried online dating, the more I became open-minded.  Take Mr. Small and Mighty.  He listed himself as a 37-year-old, 5’7” Caucasian man…no children mentioned.  His picture was okay and he was shorter than I usually like men to be, but I gave him a chance.

His stats:

Lived in one of the toughest neighborhoods in the area for years

Dates only African-American women, or Puerto Ricans

Worker at Fed Ex for 17 years

Has a son who’s 17

5’6” (barely)

Drives a Lexus (not that this matters)

He’s a really nice guy, but just not my type.  He’s not as outgoing as me…he’s quite, reserved but still high-strung.  But, somehow we made it to 3, that’s THREE, dates.  I don’t even know how, but I think both of us wanted to feel the other one out.  We’re both a little standoffish/shy and I think that has made us take things really slow…

But like I said he’s not my type, so on the last and last date the kiss had to seal the deal.  It was actually less of a kiss, more of a tongue lashing.  He dropped me off at my apartment and I took him inside of my doorway for some privacy.  I knew it was coming and I thought: ‘I haven’t felt any attraction, no spark with him.  If I don’t feel anything for him after this kiss, then I’ll cut it off.’  He pulled me into a hug, drew back and then pulled me close and kissed me.  My lips aren’t big, but his are minuscule.  So my mouth enveloped his, his tongue shot into mine and then went to town burrowing it’s way to my frickin’ tonsils.  He must have been into it because his hands grabbed my butt, pulled me even closer and continued mauling my mouth with his tongue.  Luckily it didn’t last long.  He must have really liked the kiss because he texted me to say hello after I got out of work the next day.

Unfortunately, I didn’t.  He’s a nice guy, who’s done a lot for his kid, but he’s not for me. 

NEXT!!!!

;D

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I’m all about second chances, but this is Mr. Green Day’s THIRD chance.  He emailed me last week hoping for another chance.  I was okay with it at first…then the signs that he was going to cancel on me again: He asks me to pick wherever I’d like to go, then I don’t hear from him for the next two days…I thought the pattern was returning, so I took the initiative asnd cancelled.  😀 

I took the power back and I cancelled as sheepishly as he did before! 

Now I’m open to meet someone this weekend. 

;D

 When you throw a guy away, sometimes he comes back and pursues you with a vengeance.

I threw away Mr. B last year after we hit it off on Match.com and in a weeks’ time it tanked.  At first we had some quirky and funny conversations that turned awkward, and then straight-up weird.  I think he was overly cautious and afraid of dating again, even though he put up a good front by joking about an ex-girlfriend that put him through the ringer.  He might have also been cautious because he never dated outside of his race, but I looked sweet so he wanted to get to know me.  (Yay me…)

A lot of good that did because by the time we hit the “What’s your idea of a perfect date?” question, he said we weren’t a match and jumped ship.  I was shocked because that wasn’t the case, but I could tell he was…scared.  (I could go on and on about the color issue being the reason he was scared, but I’ve run into the “I’ve never dated a Black woman” type so much that it doesn’t faze me anymore and it isn’t worth going on a rant.)

We end up meeting again at a local Giant where we both have part-time jobs.  He works in produce, and I’m contracted by an outside company to do food surveys.  I didn’t know what to expect from him more than 6 months later so I avoided eye contact or even being in the same air space, and acted like he didn’t exist.  I know, real mature…  But what would you do if someone just cut you off like that without really getting to know you, AND THEN you ran into them at a sort of mutual job? 

He was hesitant at first, but by the second time my survey company came to the store (about a month later), he emailed me and acted like he didn’t remember why we stopped talking and wanted us to be friends.  I saw this going two ways: We really get to know each other this time and it could move into something more OR We get to know each other and decide that friendship is best.

We’ll have to see…either way my guard is on full alert with the lights flashing and crazed security dogs!

Sometimes slipping back into a pair of worn in, but still cute jeans is a lot easier than buying a whole new pair, at least for me.  😉 

I think I’m the same way with men.  Such as my ex Kevin…he and I dated a year and a half ago for almost 6 months.  I left him when he didn’t want to introduce me to his parents.  We had some pretty heated arguments because his excuse was that he’s commitment-phobic….or what I call a cop-out.  He accused me of wanting titles, and in return I accused him of holding onto so much pain from the past he couldn’t see a good woman even if she (me) slapped him across his face.  Of course I didn’t lower myself to physical violence…I left with his pleads following me out of the door.

Nine months later I found myself contacting him again.  I was concerned.  I know the way I left hurt him, but I had to do it for me.  He was still very angry with me at this point, so I left the idea of us becoming friends die a quick death and moved on. 

But maybe I never really did, because there I was last Friday at one of the best sushi places in town, sharing a bottle of wine with “the ex-boyfriend.”  It was easy to slip back into the groove of gabbing over our shared favorite food.  I talked about hobbies I’ve been getting into, my new goals; my accomplishments, and he talked about the same. 

But Kevin had a big surprise for me; he’s been seeing this “girl” (44-year-old woman and 10 years his senior) for 18 months now.  (Now if you’re seeing a woman who’s is grown than you are for over 18 months, don’t you think you’d see her as more than “your girl.”  She’s a grown ass woman!)  Anyway, he complained their “thing” had grown stale and he wasn’t sure he’d continue. 

I wasn’t surprised.  Kevin has always been and will always be commitment-phobic.  He’ll never want to talk about taking the “dating” and making it into a “relationship.”  He doesn’t believe in titles.  He still doesn’t feel any woman was good enough for him, even though he could never reciprocate the perfectionism he desired.  He probably felt this way about his current “relationship” for some time, which is why he jumped to eat sushi with me, dressed like he was on a date.  Same old Kevin…

So as for me…I have no desire for my old pair of jeans anymore.  I may be used to the fit, but they’re old, tired, worn-in, out of style, and there are SO SO many more pairs that could easily suit my body, and many will fit me a hell of a lot better.  So those jeans…they’ll be donated to the nearest Goodwill store…ASAP!!!

 😉

I never thought this would be possible, but guys can use Eharmony to line up dates…just like at the Match.com Meat Market. 

Green Day contacted me last week still giving me the sob story that he was oh so sorry he cancelled on me at the last moment two weekends ago and he wanted to make it up to me.  I should’ve told him to take his spiky hair, tattoos, good boy/bad boy-watered down rocker persona and take a hike.  But no…I decided to be nicer than he deserved.  I let him feed me the same bull as last time…he’d contact me later on in the week, he’d drive down to see me, we’d go wherever I wanted to go and blah, blah, blah.  Well, don’t you know that he did it again?!  He made plans and promises that he knew he’d never keep.  When I didn’t hear from him for two days, I knew.  And, I haven’t heard from him since.

I can’t really say I’m surprised though.  But I never thought Eharmony would be one of those sites where guys can try to line up date after date, and have backups.  This is why Eharmony has the recommended communication guidelines.  They’re meant to weed out the serial daters.  So all of you Eharmony daters, if someone wants to skip the guidelines and just “get down to business,” stop and ask yourself why.  Chances are they haven’t paid attention to your profile and don’t really care about the fabulous person you are.  Now, if you just want to get down to business too…then go for it…Just remember, the guy most likely has several other girls lined up that want the “business” too.

Pat on the back for me for having common sense and not falling for another loser!  I’m on my way to finding real love!!!

😉

Online dating continues to be a learning experience for me.  I find I’m constantly discovering what I can and cannot handle.  I’ll admit it.  I don’t like rejection and a big part to online dating is being rejected. 

If you’re an online dater like me, here are several types of rejection that you can experience…or dish out yourself: 

There’s the Superficial rejection: where someone views your picture and don’t find you appealing so they ignore your match notification sent by the dating program, email, wink or poke.  Let’s be honest…you’ve probably done this several times yourself, so it may not faze you at all.

One might experience the Semi-superficial rejection: where you and the other person hit it off through email, then text and then phone, or whatever order and method you choose.  But, when you meet in person they, or even you, may feel that there’s nothing there for you.  Maybe their posted picture wasn’t a true reflection of who you got to meet up close and personal; maybe it’s the same with their personality.  One person is bound to feel rejected…but it’s kind of your or their fault for false advertising.  You have to be yourself when dating, making yourself out to be someone you’re not will only hurt you in the end when your partner realizes you put on a sham.

Finally, the It’s Them Not You…aka…they have issues rejection: where at the end of an fireworks and sparks-smiling until your face hurts type of date, they could end up either not calling you ever again, or giving you the “We need to slow down line” and never call you again.  Why?  Because they have issues.  It could be commitment, insecurity, self-doubt, assholishness (yes, this isn’t a real word, but it should be), indecision, or maybe they just aren’t into like they are someone else.  Who knows?  But, if you are blown by this revelation…then guess what?  This kind of rejection is okay

Ask yourself this:  Do you really want someone in your life who cares very little about the awesome person you are, or whose mind changes with the wind?  Do you want someone who doesn’t know what they want, especially when you do?  You should be saying hell no.  This person rejecting you is the best thing that could happen.  You can now use them to make a list of things you don’t want, leading you to find someone that is a better match.  Easy. 

The hard part is sticking to it.  I know I struggle with it every time I talk to a new guy or go on a date.  But, I keep putting myself out there because I have a feeling the guy for me is right around the corner.

😉

I’ve been taking a stroll down the rabbit hole of superficiality again…

First off, let me say it’s not my fault.  I just LOVE my stilettos.  As someone who is 5’3”, they’re kind of necessary.  I go from squat to lengthy and many times from short legs to those like a gazelle!  They even improve my posture.  I’m so used to wearing them that I can barely walk in flats!

But what do I do when my upcoming Eharmony date on Friday is 5’8”?  And, men typically add a few inches…so he may even be 5’6”.  Either way, this guy…let’s call him Mr. Moto…is the shortest guy I’ve ever gone out with.  How am I going to strut my really cute but comfortable outfit (pictures later maybe?) when I may end up being the same height as my date, possibly making him uncomfortable and me too since I’m used to dating guys who are closer to 6”, are exactly 6”and sometimes over.  (Men typically like to date women who are shorter than they are…sorry you gazelle legged women out there.)  I don’t have any decent flats, let alone an outfit that goes with flats!

I should really try not to be superficial about his height.  I shouldn’t care.  Shame on me.  Mr. Moto’s a great guy! 

His Stats:

Teacher in a struggling school district

Loves his job

Wants to make a difference in his student’s lives

Drives a motorcycle in good weather

Love historical fiction

Is a romantic

Christian

Okay…maybe I’m not being superficial since I just listed more than five things about him and none are physical, financial or car related.  He and I have had some amazing email conversations too.  I’m really enjoying getting to know him.  I think our date is going to be amazing.  I found this little hole in the wall Lebanese restaurant that has belly dancing at 7:30.  It’s cultural, intimate, something completely out of the box for me and him…it’s perfect. 

I think I’m just being silly.  I have this feeling that the chemistry between us will outweigh any artificial height difference.

As always…stay tuned!!!

😉


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