Minxie Winksie's Blog

Lessons Learned

Posted on: April 9, 2010

I’ve been online dating for almost two years now.  Even though it’s been an off and on, sometimes turbulent, dysfunctional, and yet, beautiful relationship, my experiences have taught me several important lessons.  Like how to conduct myself before the date (should you asking probing questions or not, texting or phone calls only), what to wear (flats for comfort or heels for fashion) and where to go.  I wish (for you and me) that I had all the answers.  It would make like easier…but then I’d be in a relationship and wouldn’t have anything to blog about anymore.  Right now I’d take the blog any day! 

Before the date…

If you’re on a site that values quality over quantity, like Eharmony, it’s going to take some until the first date, at least for most of us.  No worries, there’s no rush.  Mr. Almost Prince Charming is out there hopefully looking for someone like you and you may find him.  First, you need to weed out the princes from the toads, and you’re going to have to be patient.  This is not an easy task.  To make it an enjoyable experience try this:

  • Email first – Either let the guy email you, or if you’re feeling gutsy, email him first.  Keep the emails brief in the beginning.  Find out some basic information first and talk about yourself too.  But be careful, don’t give out your full name, address, email or cell just yet…Make him prove he’s worthy.  Now, if his email conversation skills are lacking, he may not be interested or he’s just not good at the online dating process.  It’s up to you to either let this continue or delve deeper into why he contacted you, but is disappointing.
  • Digits – Many of my girlfriends who’ve never online dated don’t feel comfortable with giving out their number to someone they’ve never met before.  I say: Carpi Diem….but STILL be cautious.  After a week, after once he’s proving to be better than his online profile, after you two have had amazing email conversations that go beyond the “interview” questions and most importantly, after you feel comfortable enough to give him your number…then you can give it to him.  There is always some risk you have to take when giving out your number because anyone can say anything over an email, so if you want take another week or so and talk over the phone.  Listen to his voice.  Does he sound sincere?  Are his emails matching up with what he’s saying over the phone?
  • What I do – I could give you examples of my typically email etiquette, but they vary with every guy that starts up the Eharmony communication or requests to email me.  I suggest you use some common sense and listen to your intuition.  If something doesn’t seem right…no matter how cute the guy is…cut him off.  You’ll save yourself a headache and possible heartbreak.

What to Wear…

I LOVE affordable and do-it-yourself fashion, so I let it show through my date attire.  I want the guy to know I have a great sense of fashion.  But, I’m also a sensible, artistic, put together and down to earth type of girl he could possibly settle down with.  Since the first date is the first superficial impression a man gets of you, make it a memorable one.  Don’t wear an outfit you’re not comfortable in…just be yourself.  This is why you’ll never find me wearing these items on a date:

  • Bad girl attire – Booty shorts, fishnet tights, super low rise-thong showing jeans, go-go boots, mini skirt, midriff tops or stilettos. 
  • What I do – I tend to tend to stay away from anything that screams I’ll definitely be in his bed as soon as the date is over.  I got for form-fitting dark jeans, dark blue ribbed tank, dark gray sweater moto jacket, black flats (if he’s short like me) or black high-heeled sandals (for a lanky guy).  This outfit is classy and fashion forward; it’s pretty standard for me.  But for you, adjust the date attire for the weather, the date, your mood…just remember the point is to pick a standard outfit where you’re mostly covered, but where your feminine figure is highlighted…in a positive way.

Where to go…

Your date setting is just as important as what you wear.  Consider it a reflection of who you are.  If you’re into the local music scene, see if your favorite band or type of music is playing.  If you’re a fan of ethnic food and love hole-in-the-wall restaurant, find a new one that neither of you have tried yet (bonus: it makes a great shared experience that both of you will remember).  Whatever you choose, remain cautious and keep these two factors in mind: 

  • Distance – Never choose a date spot that’s more than 5 miles away from your residence.  It should be relatively close and the time it takes to travel should be no longer than 10 minutes.  If you don’t have access to anything close by, then make sure it’s not more than a 30 minute drive.  If the both of you are hours away from each other and you feel like being amicable, pick a spot that is familiar to you but is half way, or be necessarily selfish and make him come to you.
  • Alcohol – Don’t consume any alcoholic beverages for at least a couple of dates.  And red flags should go up if he suggests a bar as your first date.  People tend to think you show who you really are when tipsy or slightly inebriated, but there’s no rush.  You should get to know the person over time.  On the first couple of dates the most important thing is to be complete control of your thoughts, words, urges and body.  Don’t be one of those people who get caught up in “the moment” and do something they regret.  Stay sober.
  • What I do:  I typically meet a guy no more than 5 minutes away from my place at this local swanky coffeehouse (no alcohol served) or an ethnic restaurant (which is BYOB), both places I frequent during non-date times.  This way I’m in control.  If I’m not having a good time I can end the date and make a swift getaway.  😉

 

I do hope this helped because it was most certainly therapeutic for me.  I’ve made some serious progress in the past two years!  And a final lesson is to come.  I have much more to say on what to do after the date, but since I’m still learning myself…I’ll wait until my third Eharmony date is over.  Cross your fingers for a winner!!!

😉

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