Minxie Winksie's Blog

My Descent Into Online Dating: Plentyoffish.com

Posted on: April 1, 2010

It’s time for me to look back.  I have to reflect on where I’ve come from, who I was, and how I got here.

I didn’t date much.  In fact, I didn’t really start to date until I was 26.  I know, it’s a long time, but I was a sheltered person.  No, I allowed myself to be sheltered.  It’s my fault.  I used being fat as a reason to not date, while others led their lives no matter their size.  My fat was my shell.  I used it to wrap up my emotions, feelings and thoughts, and then hide them away from the world.  It was my cocoon.  I clung to it for too long.

I was forced out after dating a verbally abusive guy who told me over and over that he was the best I’d ever get.  It was one of the worst relationships I’ve ever been in, and the last.  But his final taunts came at the right time.  A Weight Watchers program started the week after I finally had enough.  I joined March 20, 2007.  There was no stopping me.  I followed the plan, wrote in my food diary no matter the morsel, and worked out with my exes face and taunts floating in my head.  I had to show him.  He’d see that someone else would find me worth loving. 

By October 2009, I was at my goal weight.  I had achieved something I’d never tried before.  I lost almost 90 pounds and was down to a size 6.  I thought it would be so easy to get a guy.  I was skinny.  No one would ignore me anyone.  I’d be my charming, vivacious self and the boys would come running…right?  Wrong.  Sure, there were plenty of men willing to be with me…for the night…hour, 5 minutes…however long it took them to get off.  That’s all they wanted.  No one wanted to be in a meaningful relationship.  And I went along with it for a very short while.  But the longing to be loved was still there, no matter how much I caved into a man’s desires and let mine be ignored.  My heart remained empty and it wouldn’t be ignored.

I though online dating seemed to be the answer.  There were tons of men out there who were looking for love, just like me, right?  Wrong again. 

The first site I tried was plentyoffish, a free site.  It’s almost as if the freaks, rejects and degenerates frequented this site.  But I didn’t see that at first.  I saw men who were willing to give me the attention I craved.

Guy #1 was African-American, 6’7’’and 230 pounds.  Jackpot!  Not so much.  It was awkward from the first email.  I felt he was trying to dig for information, not to find out who I am, but to make sure I make good money, have a car, and live on my own.  We exchanged numbers and texting was the same story.  An added bonus, he expected me to be his girlfriend after one week of talking.  I remember being flattered and scared for my life at the same time.  He literally told me that I wasn’t to talk to any guys while I was out of town because I was his.  When he realized this request The only thing that was his was a big, fat, 6’7’’ tall no from me and a block of his number.

Guy #2 was Caucasian, 6’, tanned and worked with his hands.  I was smitten.  What white collar girl wouldn’t be attracted to his blue collar guy?  Our conversations were full of jokes and flirtations.  There came a point when I was hoping he’d offer to take me out to dinner, when he messaged me for a video chat through the site.  I was thrilled.  He was hot! 

When the window popped up, his handsome face was more tan and chiseled than his pictures.  We started talking and not long into the conversation he said he had a big problem he needed my help with.  He couldn’t get a stain out.  Being naïve and hoping for a date, I offered to help.  He proceeded to tell me about the stain but wouldn’t show it.  I told him not to be afraid, so he pulled out a pair of boxers with train tracks in them and stuck them in the camera.  If you don’t know what I mean, train tracks are also known as skid marks…poop stains.  Then he started messaging in capital letters talking about the stain, and how he needed me to touch…it.  I tried to close down the window, but my ancient computer froze.  I ran from the room screaming. 

One would think that after my first two experiences with online dating I would’ve learned my lesson, but no.  Not me.

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